Bacon and an Egg walk into a bar and get a table. The bartender comes over to them and says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve breakfast."
"What dear?" she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
"I think you're bad luck."
Monday, December 8, 2008
Joke's on you.
Bacon and an Egg walk into a bar and get a table. The bartender comes over to them and says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve breakfast.""What dear?" she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
"I think you're bad luck."
Friday, October 31, 2008
1-Up for Your Mug
The upcoming annual celebration of my birth has provided the inquiries necessary for me to review the widely diverse world of consumer, prosumer, and professional coffee burr grinders. I've got to preface this review by saying that like all hobbies and interests, there is a select portion of the population that will swear by devices costing several times over the value of my car as producing the finest coffee and espresso life has to offer. These are also the same people that measure barometric pressure and ambient humidity before pulling a shot of espresso. I will give a beatnik-poetry-slam finger-snap applause in their general direction and humbly decline any offer to join their elitist club. Until I can drive a La Marzocco Swift grinder home, I'll spend my $3,200 elsewhere.
Like any pursuit beyond introductory and basic need coverage, the quest for coffee grinding should be prefaced with characteristics desirable to my consumption needs. Do I need an espresso specific grinder for pulling shots or an all-in-one with press, drip, and syphon pot grind capabilities? Am I looking for a versatile grinder with stepless grind settings that allow a finer tuning? Am I willing to sacrifice some grind quality over aesthetic appeal? How much am I willing to spend for nominal differences in grind quality, ease of cleaning, and name brand recognition? Do I need a doser or doserless model? Where do Hawaiians go on their honeymoon?
To answer these questions for myself, I'm looking for a higher quality burr grinder that offers consistent grind results at both ends of the grind spectrum giving me a quality espresso fine grind when I eventually purchase a higher quality espresso machine as well as service my morning drip pot or french press coffee ritual. I would like a machine that is easy to operate and clean, looks nice enough to leave out on the counter, and is not overly expensive. Hawaiians?... they go to Disney World.
When upgrading to a burr grinder, I discovered very quickly that it was going to be a significant price jump from the $30 blade grinder's I've used in the past. To pick up a strong, quality, entry-level burr grinder, expect to pay somewhere in the neighborhood of $200-$400. I choked up a little toward the upper end of that bracket, so I'm going to focus the "best of" features for grinders closer to the lower end of the range. I've always been a huge supporter of grind before you brew, but have also been too frugal to progress beyond the blade grinder, and when a grinder was not present, have folded the beans into a notebook paper sleeve and crushed them with a coffee mug or can of soup. I'll do what I've got to do to get that morning cup of coffee. I am excited by the prospect of promoting my gourmand obsession to the next level. It's like being awarded a Masters Degree in coffee.
I relied heavily on coffeegeek.com for my consumer and professional feedback on the grinders listed here. The only objection I have to the site is the outdated prices posted for some of the models. Had they been accurate, my choices would most definitely be swayed, but considering the Rancilio Rocky model is no longer an attainable though still pricey $260, I can't see paying $370 for a coffee grinder despite it's sterling reputation. Speaking of Rocky, it's a good place to start.
The Rocky Rancilio One of the higher rated grinders on coffeegeek.com that is in an attainable price bracket. People claim this is the grinder to have if you can't spend the extra money to get a Mazzer ($600+). I honestly don't have the $370 for the bargain they claim the Rocky is, but for review's sake, let's look at what makes this such a steal. The Rocky Rancilio is a solid machine which has been around since 1991 with professional grade burrs and motor. It provides a consistent grind at all grind settings for many years. This is nice, as less solid built machines tend to stretch or wear down causing degradation and inconsistency in grind quality. The technical downside of the Rocky is it tends to build up static in the grind chute which causes the grinds to float out and all over your kitchen in a magical and annoying fashion. My con rating of the Rocky aside from the price inflation from 2005 would be it's appearance. It's a butter face. It does a great job grinding coffee, but... her... face... eh. It's an ugly machine covered in plastic. Plastic attracts static which adds to one of the fundamental complaints with this grinder. Not what I would have expected from something that does such a great job.
The Acaso iMini This little powerhouse can be obtained for $229.00 for the black anodized model or $269.00 for the brushed aluminum model. Both use an aluminum casing which will not rust when splattered by your espresso machine during a quad shot milk froth disaster. This grinder has a stepless adjustment feature which means the adjustment knob allows you to fine tune where the grind burrs move to instead of relying on premeasured click adjustments like the Rocky has. This is a nice feature letting the connoisseur dial in a specific grind to match his machine, but it makes finding the setting again difficult if you change settings for another grind or brewing method. This very reason was brought up in several reviews warning potential buyers that if they plan to prepare multiple grind variations for french press as well as espresso, this is not the machine they should get. It received rave reviews from espresso only reviewers who praised it's superior grind quality and consistency. It is also a very nice looking little machine and most people leave it out on the counter. If you were wondering about the mini designation, yes, it is a smaller version of their full size professional model with costs in the $600-800 range, so heredity would dictate that it does come from good stock.
Gaggia MDF It's toted as a workhorse comparable to upper level grinders like the Rancilio Rocky and lauded as the best choice under $200. I managed to find in on Amazon with free shipping for $199 (Everywhere else it's $299). It has commercial grade burrs and a solid metal housing. The motor in this unit uses a lower gear ratio with lower rpms which lengthen the grind process a bit. This eliminates heat which is the critical difference between blade and burr grinders. Heat has a deleterious effect on the coffee oils decreasing the quality of coffee produced. This grinder has stepped grind adjustments capable of easily switching between fine powdery espresso grinds and coarser vacuum pot consistencies. A big win for me. There is rumor one can "mod" the step plate to make this a stepless machine. The downside of this machine is the reportedly weak plastic dosing lever on the side of the machine which you pull to release the ground coffee into your portafilter or cup if doing french press or drip pot coffee. If broken, it can take a while to get the replacement part. The unit also tends to slide around on the counter as it lacks any kind of rubber feet. This can easily be fixed with a non-slip mat or gluing on rubber feet
The KitchenAid ProLine Grinder This is a solidly built looking grinder made of cast iron and featuring glass hopper and catch basin where most other (including the expensive) grinders typically use plastic or acrylic. It's got the KitchenAid brand going for it which is supposed to be high quality and comes in several colors. Unfortunately beauty is only skin deep for this grinder. I really, really wanted to like this grinder which retails for $249.00, especially when I found it on sale at Cooking.com for $149.00, but as the reviews go, this is a piece of crap if you want anything other than drip coffee. It will not do a consistent espresso grind as the burrs have been found to be too dull and tend to crush the beans instead of cutting them as they are designed to do. It also tends to clog or get beans stuck in the burrs, not something you want to happen. Burr grinders that work great for drip and french press applications can be found for much less than the KitchenAid. They had a great face on this grinder, but they just couldn't back it up where it counts.
Conclusion
After tirelessly pouring over review after review, making notes, considering the number of reviewers for each product based on the overall rating, and factoring in budgetary concerns, I am pursuing the Gaggia MDF. It would be nice to have a Rocky, but I would feel terrible having an almost $400 coffee grinder on my counter knowing there are decaffeinated children in Italy without a decent espresso. Also, it's ugly and I don't want to keep lugging it to the pantry, hiding it away. At the total other end of the spectrum, I just can't see paying $149 for a pretty hunk of metal and glass KitchenAid that has a hard time doing it's job. Looks only get you so far sweetheart, and I'm not feeding you quality Tarrazu Shade Grown Organic just so you can choke and cough on the beans and give me a weak cup of brew. The breaking factor between the Ascasa iMini and the Gaggia MDF for me is the grind variability. I plan to use this machine for all my coffee drinking needs, and tend to drink more brewed coffee now than espresso shots, but would like to have the versatility to do either, and both very well. I think the stepless adjustment would be irritating after a while even though I like the looks of the iMini better. The Gaggia is still a good looking machine, and the price is definitely right. So there you have it, I'm Ga Ga for Gaggia.
Stay tuned for the next obvious upgrade to my coffee addiction. An espresso machine.
Like any pursuit beyond introductory and basic need coverage, the quest for coffee grinding should be prefaced with characteristics desirable to my consumption needs. Do I need an espresso specific grinder for pulling shots or an all-in-one with press, drip, and syphon pot grind capabilities? Am I looking for a versatile grinder with stepless grind settings that allow a finer tuning? Am I willing to sacrifice some grind quality over aesthetic appeal? How much am I willing to spend for nominal differences in grind quality, ease of cleaning, and name brand recognition? Do I need a doser or doserless model? Where do Hawaiians go on their honeymoon?
To answer these questions for myself, I'm looking for a higher quality burr grinder that offers consistent grind results at both ends of the grind spectrum giving me a quality espresso fine grind when I eventually purchase a higher quality espresso machine as well as service my morning drip pot or french press coffee ritual. I would like a machine that is easy to operate and clean, looks nice enough to leave out on the counter, and is not overly expensive. Hawaiians?... they go to Disney World.
When upgrading to a burr grinder, I discovered very quickly that it was going to be a significant price jump from the $30 blade grinder's I've used in the past. To pick up a strong, quality, entry-level burr grinder, expect to pay somewhere in the neighborhood of $200-$400. I choked up a little toward the upper end of that bracket, so I'm going to focus the "best of" features for grinders closer to the lower end of the range. I've always been a huge supporter of grind before you brew, but have also been too frugal to progress beyond the blade grinder, and when a grinder was not present, have folded the beans into a notebook paper sleeve and crushed them with a coffee mug or can of soup. I'll do what I've got to do to get that morning cup of coffee. I am excited by the prospect of promoting my gourmand obsession to the next level. It's like being awarded a Masters Degree in coffee.
I relied heavily on coffeegeek.com for my consumer and professional feedback on the grinders listed here. The only objection I have to the site is the outdated prices posted for some of the models. Had they been accurate, my choices would most definitely be swayed, but considering the Rancilio Rocky model is no longer an attainable though still pricey $260, I can't see paying $370 for a coffee grinder despite it's sterling reputation. Speaking of Rocky, it's a good place to start.
The Rocky Rancilio One of the higher rated grinders on coffeegeek.com that is in an attainable price bracket. People claim this is the grinder to have if you can't spend the extra money to get a Mazzer ($600+). I honestly don't have the $370 for the bargain they claim the Rocky is, but for review's sake, let's look at what makes this such a steal. The Rocky Rancilio is a solid machine which has been around since 1991 with professional grade burrs and motor. It provides a consistent grind at all grind settings for many years. This is nice, as less solid built machines tend to stretch or wear down causing degradation and inconsistency in grind quality. The technical downside of the Rocky is it tends to build up static in the grind chute which causes the grinds to float out and all over your kitchen in a magical and annoying fashion. My con rating of the Rocky aside from the price inflation from 2005 would be it's appearance. It's a butter face. It does a great job grinding coffee, but... her... face... eh. It's an ugly machine covered in plastic. Plastic attracts static which adds to one of the fundamental complaints with this grinder. Not what I would have expected from something that does such a great job.
The Acaso iMini This little powerhouse can be obtained for $229.00 for the black anodized model or $269.00 for the brushed aluminum model. Both use an aluminum casing which will not rust when splattered by your espresso machine during a quad shot milk froth disaster. This grinder has a stepless adjustment feature which means the adjustment knob allows you to fine tune where the grind burrs move to instead of relying on premeasured click adjustments like the Rocky has. This is a nice feature letting the connoisseur dial in a specific grind to match his machine, but it makes finding the setting again difficult if you change settings for another grind or brewing method. This very reason was brought up in several reviews warning potential buyers that if they plan to prepare multiple grind variations for french press as well as espresso, this is not the machine they should get. It received rave reviews from espresso only reviewers who praised it's superior grind quality and consistency. It is also a very nice looking little machine and most people leave it out on the counter. If you were wondering about the mini designation, yes, it is a smaller version of their full size professional model with costs in the $600-800 range, so heredity would dictate that it does come from good stock.
Conclusion
After tirelessly pouring over review after review, making notes, considering the number of reviewers for each product based on the overall rating, and factoring in budgetary concerns, I am pursuing the Gaggia MDF. It would be nice to have a Rocky, but I would feel terrible having an almost $400 coffee grinder on my counter knowing there are decaffeinated children in Italy without a decent espresso. Also, it's ugly and I don't want to keep lugging it to the pantry, hiding it away. At the total other end of the spectrum, I just can't see paying $149 for a pretty hunk of metal and glass KitchenAid that has a hard time doing it's job. Looks only get you so far sweetheart, and I'm not feeding you quality Tarrazu Shade Grown Organic just so you can choke and cough on the beans and give me a weak cup of brew. The breaking factor between the Ascasa iMini and the Gaggia MDF for me is the grind variability. I plan to use this machine for all my coffee drinking needs, and tend to drink more brewed coffee now than espresso shots, but would like to have the versatility to do either, and both very well. I think the stepless adjustment would be irritating after a while even though I like the looks of the iMini better. The Gaggia is still a good looking machine, and the price is definitely right. So there you have it, I'm Ga Ga for Gaggia.
Stay tuned for the next obvious upgrade to my coffee addiction. An espresso machine.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Slogan Showdown
On a recent kayak float on the mud puddle of Chilhowee Lake, I and my friend Andy discovered decades worth of beer packaging left behind on the lake bottom. The dam is currently being repaired and so water levels are thirty feet below normal levels, revealing past roads, bridges, and fences. There are also tens of thousands of empty shells left behind by brave fishermen firing round after twelve ounce round in an attempt to slake the beast of thirst and boredom. One, nearly pristinely preserved can was that of Falstaff beer. It was the pull tab style, quart can, and made of steel. I would have expected it to be as rusty and faded as others closer to shore, but we found this one out toward the middle of the lake where it was preserved by the cold temperature and protection from sunlight. I decided to see what happened to Falstaff, so I did a little research. Being too young to legally appreciate what might have been a fine beer I have never popped the top of a Falstaff and to my chagrin, the company which was founded by two German families in the 1840's, is no longer around. However, I can only postulate from their slogan how a brewery steeped in history and born of German roots could have possibly met its demise. There are rumors that the temperance movement of the 1920's better known as prohibition caused the business to weaken and was eventually sold off cheaply to a conglomerate brewer who gradually phased out the name... but I know better. It's all laid out in the Falstaff Beer slogan.
"When you're having fun... and you're really thirsty- beer-thirsty THIS IS THE ONE!"
I think we're getting closer to identifying the target demographic here. People who are:
1) Having fun
2) Really thirsty
3) Not only really thirsty, but beer thirsty.
Given laws and statutes governing age appropriateness of the beverage, we've also got to include only people 21 or older.
Well, here's how this is going to play out when Joe and Fred, two age appropriate guys, going fishing for the weekend, decide they want to bring some beer with them. They go to their local beer store and walk up to the beer display case. The store might even have one of the Falstaff advertisements on the wall like this one.
"Hey Joe, we're planning on having fun fishing right?"
"Sure thing Fred. It's going to be a top notch time."
"You think we'll get thirsty?"
"Well Gee Fred, I would think we should get thirsty eventually."
"Are we going to get really thirsty?"
"Golly Fred, we just might."
"Beer thirsty?"
"???" [Both Joe and Fred scratch their head]
"I don't reckon I know what beer thirsty is Fred, better grab that one over there that says 'King of Beers'. It'll be like drinkin' with royalty."
I think potential customers all over ran into problems along those lines with various combinations. Either they were having fun, but weren't really thirsty, and certainly not beer thirsty. Others were beer thirsty, but weren't really having fun. Others were beer thirsty, having fun, but still harbored post-WWII anti-German sentiments.
I decided to see if other beer companies faced the same challenges in their slogan choices. As you will see below, the world of beverage marketing is a difficult and psychologically encompassing rubiks cube of frustration peppered with bold face lies.
Budweiser: The King of Beers.
Elvis is going to be all shook up.
Carlsberg: Carlsberg. Probably the best beer in the world.
But we might be wrong. Not 100% sure.
Coors Beer: Turn it loose!
This slogan has caused hundreds of broken bottles and dented or busted cans. Nice one Coors. Thanks for choosing that one over "Chuck at Cashier".
Courage Beer: It's what your right arm's for.
Not too popular with the amputee crowd or south paws.
Heineken Beer: Heineken refreshes the parts other beers cannot reach.
I was looking for a cold beer, not a hop-infused bidet.
Molsen Canadian: I am Canadian.
Thank you for sharing.
Miller Lite: Everything you always wanted in a beer. And less.
I'm sorry, what? Less what? Ah... taste.
Old Milwaukee Beer: It Doesn't Get Any Better Than This!
When your ability to set expectations is as limited as your ability to spell expectations.
Norrlands Guld: Norrlands Guld. Be yourself for a while.
Because sobriety masks all that individualism bottled up inside you.
Dos Equis Mexican Beer: Sooner or later you'll get it.
You can enjoy this beer, but it's going to cost you.
Labatt Brewery, Canada: If I wanted water, I would have asked for water.
Great slogan for the wrong beer.
Red Stripe Jamaican Lager: It's BEER. Hooray beer!
Sometimes it's not what you say, it's what you can still say.
Guinness: The most natural thing in the world.
It's on the periodic table next to Einsteinium.
Staropramen: Staropramen. Get a Taste of Prague.
I'm not sure what centuries of socialist oppression tastes like, but I'm glad it comes in bottle form.
As you can see from the various attempts at one-upping the competition in hopes of jockeying for the number one beer position, we the consumer are at the mercy of the beer industry's brilliance, prose, and college marketing interns. So, in another 30 years when TVA drains another lake and my children are floating around picking up bottles of Flying Dog from the lake bed, I am sure they will be proud to know it once contained, "Good Beer, No $h!t."
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